The heart and the head
by triformis
Summary: Commander Shepard, earthborn, sole survivor, infiltrator, hero and woman, and the man who can't step away. Shenko


The scream ripped through her chest like liquid metal, burning her lungs and choking her. She woke up with a violent jerk and jumped out of bed, head throbbing. She brought one shaky hand to her right temple and the other to her dry throat trying desperately to control her breathing. Minutes passed and she couldn't bring herself to return to bed, so might as well get some water and find pain meds. Running a hand through her waist long ebony hair she left her quarters and made her way to the kitchen area where she retrieved a bottle of cold water and drained half the contents in a breath then pressed the cold item to her forehead trying to calm the pain down. Sighing she grabbed a second bottle and slowly, with her eyes closed, made her way to the med bay, Dr Chackwas would have some pain pills somewhere handy because of Lt. Alenko's migraines and one of those could do the trick.

The med bay door opened with a whoosh and she was surprised to smell something other than the usual disinfectant whiff so she opened her eyes to the sight of Lt Alenko resting another migraine, his chest raising and falling rhythmically and his breath even. He was asleep and she realised belatedly that the music blasting in her ears might be too loud in the dark space, the sound so powerful it was vibrating in her chest so she turned the volume down to a gentle hum. Walking closer to the lieutenant she studied his physiognomy his dark hair looked soft and before she could stop herself brushed back a lock that, once smoothed, seemed to glue itself to the rest of the strands, was that because of his biotics she wondered offhandedly. His eyebrows were drawn into a frown, eyelids squeezed tight, the pain must have not had time to subside, or this migraine was more severe than he let out, she frowned at the notion and it only brought forward her own headache, she raked both hands through long strands grimacing at the sting, it felt like her hair was being pulled off strand by individual strand.

She turned on her heel slowly sweeping her sight across the med bay when her eyes caught the pill bottle on the doctor's desk. Sighing internally she moved to retrieve 2 pills which she swallowed without liquid, she didn't want to disturb her subordinate when he was in such pain and needed all the sleep he could get. She put the pill bottle beside his bed on the stand along with the unopened water and carefully left the room to get something to eat, the pills she'd taken were potent and hard on the stomach, also Alenko likely hadn't eaten anything all day because of the migraine and she didn't mind making two grilled cheese sandwiches. From her experience the fat somehow helped when she felt like smashing her head against the closest wall.

Kaidan wasn't sure what had awoken him but he heard the med bay door open and although silent on regular days the sound was acutely loud to his pain riddled mind. He squeezed his eyes for a moment, slow to realise that someone had entered the room. He turned his head slowly towards the direction of the door and pried his eyelids open only to immediately stare wide eyed at the shape of the woman leaving, from the long straight hair, partly pulled over her right shoulder to the oversized navy t-shirt, workout bottoms and bare feet, she moved so quietly he could have thought he was still asleep had he not caught a faint warming fragrance as she lifted a hand to her forehead and sighed silently stopping for a moment before moving towards the crew quarters or mess, he didn't get the chance to confirm as the door closed behind her and he was suddenly brought back to the pain behind his eyelids. He squeezed his eyes closed tight and pressed the balls of his fists against them, mind swimming in questions about the commander, some professional while most not.

Why had she come to the med bay for, was she ok, his heart beat faster at the thought of her unwell as painful stab began forming in his right eye making it tear up, he whipped at the liquid and conceded that yes, he did need another dose of medicine. Trying hard to form coherent thought when his consciousness swam in pain was damn near impossible but if he remembered correctly the doctor had left the pill bottle on the desk. The Lt made an effort to get up but as he was halfway off the bed he was startled by a hand on his shoulder. His eyes flew open as soon as the touch registered and was stunned to see her sight trained on his features.

He couldn't make out the details of her expression because of the darkness of the room and haziness of his sight so he made an effort to try and speak but she shook her head and pressed a hand to his lips gently to quiet him then firmly pushed his body on the bed. Kaidan stopped breathing as soon as her hand touched his lips, he could feel her cold fingers against his skin and he couldn't help but inhale at the smell of her skin it was warming and delicious, like grilled cheese. He realised he had uttered the words when she let out a huffing sound and placed a plate next to him on the bed.

She only uttered one word, and he couldn't have missed it with how hard he strained to listen for any sound of hers. He turned his head towards her hand and felt the pills placed against his lips and then the mouth of the bottle of which he took a swing and swallowed. She'd given him two tablets so she must have been aware of the severity of his migraine, he was going to hear about it the next day no doubt. With what felt like a monumental effort he laid his head back on the bed and sighed. The commander placed her hand on his forehead and a happy mumble escaped his lips before he could hold back, he couldn't however even under pain of death, stop the shiver her whispered words caused "eat the sandwich then sleep Alenko, that's an order" then with a skill she honed during her childhood in misery and danger, she slipped out of the room like a shadow.

Entering the captain's quarters while carrying her own food and half empty water she allowed herself a ghost of a smile. The headache had subsided but her stomach felt odd so she sat at her desk and took a bite of her sandwich. Chewing slowly she recalled his pained voice and decided that Wrex and Tali will join her that day because they hadn't yet been on a mission together, the young prodigy could repair anything and Wrex well, he was a one big bad death raining force, and his biotics although not as strong as Kaidan's, were powerful and still completely terrifying. Having finished her late dinner she laid on the bed and took several deep thoughtful breaths, still trying to understand why the warmth in her gut hadn't subsided. Bright green eyes closed before an arm covered them, as a touch of a smile curved the corners of her lips, and the only thought not drowned by the constant screaming in her head was of him and if he liked his food.

Kaidan woke up with a start, his mind alert and clearer that it had ever been after a migraine riddled sleep. The sounds outside the med bay clueing him in that he had also slept for longer than usual. As he looked around the room taking stock of any changes he caught sight of the clear plate, half empty bottle and migraine pills on the tray next to his bed and felt his face warm up. It confirmed that he hadn't dreamed about her, not that night. It was real, she had been in the room, close to him, touching him and he hadn't even said a word to her, hadn't thanked her, lord she even prepared food for him and ordered to eat it. For the first time in his adult life he had eaten something while crippled by a migraine and the warmth of the gesture made him happier than he knew what to do with. A smile split his face and he covered it with both hands, heart beating fast in his chest, it is how the doctor found him moments later when she arrived to check on him.

He thanked her and after collecting the plate and water he excused himself and made a beeline to his bunk and locker then went straight to the showers. He wondered at the time while he disrobed as he had left his omni tool in his locker immediately after the mission debriefing and hid in the quietest room on the ship. The previous day's fight had been relentless and draining on the entire team, although the commander seemed unfazed, even by going so far as to mock the enemy's troops. For him though, going against so many asari commandos had strained his control and he let his biotics spike higher than normal, knowing full well that he was going to pay for it. He moved into the shower room, stepped into the hot water mind still full of her, her moves on the battleground were art, precise and deadly, her judgement crystal clear as she anticipated the enemy movements with a precision that was, quite honestly, terrifying. She would assess the dangers and position herself for the most efficient shot with the least effort, always taking point, the first one to face danger.

The hot water poured down his body relieving his sore muscles and soaking the grime he had collected in the fight, he refused to look at his feet to the pinkish tint the water had taken and made quick work of finishing his shower, he had a report to finish and a mission to prepare for.

When he finally managed to retrieve his omnitool and check his messages he was first and foremost shocked at the time, he couldn't have been more than ten minutes in the shower but it was already past two in the afternoon and he felt a cold chill set in his bones as he spotted a message from the Commander. He immediately opened it to read "Lieutenant, I am taking Wrex and Tali to Feros, make sure to rest and eat. That's an order. Shepard" and his weak, weak heart squeezed in his chest as his blood warmed making his knees just a tad unstable for the next few steps. He felt like hiding away to collect his thoughts and calm down but he had to check the comms and make sure the mission was going well, that she was ok, out there without him.


End file.
